Forgot again

See? I said I forget things like this all the time. I really need to start meds. Seriously. I want to start ADD medication. I'm so forgetful and abscent minded. No focus, yada yada yada. Mybe I'm just not a blogger. So let's see since the last time I wrote. Quinn is now 2.5 walking talking and starting school in the fall. She's a brat of course, but she's so cute and sweet most of the time. Still has her red hair :) Tristan and Tucker haven't changed much. Tucker is better with his balance issues, but he's still loveable and stubborn as hell. And Tristan is a ball of energy...most of the time. He's sick right now. Throwing up all night. I hate when he's sick, he's no not himself.

I got another job. last november I started working at another hospital. I like it. But I still don't feel like I fit in as well as I did at the first one. Actually, maybe I didn't fit in as well as I thought. I don't work alot. Since I'm per diem, I get cancelled alot of the time. It's OK with me, but Rick hates it. He's always so worried about money, and doesn't really understand how I feel about maternity vs. med surge. He thinks nursing is nursing, and doesn't realize how miserable I'd be if I went back to med surge...i'd rather not work. It's hard to tell him stuff like that, because he thinks I'm being selfish. Maybe I am. But I've gone through alot to get this position, and I don't want to lose it. Hopefully if I'm there long enough I'll be able to get a more perminant postion. The people are really nice, and I'm starting to conect more with some of them. I finally requested them on facebook.

My whole positive outlook on life didn't last long. Not that I think negatively, mostly I just don't think. I'm bored most of the time. I've lost touch with who I am. It's a weird feeling. I don't feel depressed. But I have all the symptoms. Weight gain, loss of interest, guilt, low self esteem. It's effecting everything. My house my body my relationship. I'm sure Rick thinks I hate him...I don't. I just have no interest in anything. Sure I still get really hyperfocused on things, but it's usually in short spurts. Burning strong and fizzling up. I have half finished projects all over the half clean house. It's so frusterating, but I don't really have the willpower to do anything about it. I meal look, I've been sitting typing this for an hour, we're all in our PJs still, and the sink is full of dishes. not to mention my room. It's so disgusting. Really really disgusting. I don't even know where to begin up there. I just shut the door and forget about it. I want to just throw everything away and start fresh.

Now I'm feeling bad, I should get up and start cleaning. K, here goes.