I have red hair

Yup I have red hair. L'Oreal Excellance calls it 7RB. I started coloring it last year, right before my 32nd birthday. It IS naturally red though. And 7RB is a perfect match! I love having red hair. It kindof makes me...well...me. I totally get offended when someone calls it brown. Not that I don't like brown hair. But I don't have brown hair.

Growing up, I was called Red, Carrot top, and whatever else you can call a red head. But I was also complimented everywhere I went. So much that by the time I was 6 or 7 insted of saying thank you, I said "Yeah, I know"! I can still see my mother cringe. My mother, a redhead as well, tried to bring me up as properly as can be. And everytime I said "I know" it was like nails an a chalk board to her.

My firs baby was a boy, his har was so red it was almost purple. But, to my dismay, it all fell out and made way for his thick straight blond hair. My second son was born with blond hair, very unlike his older brother's. His is thick and curly. His curls are to him what my red is to me. I hope he never goes through that horrible phase that teenage boys go through, and shave it off. I'd be devistated. My third and final baby...a girl. When I found out I was having a girl, I knew right away that she was going to have red hair. I could feel it. And what do you know...she has red hair!! I love it! She doesn't have her brother's thickness, or beautiful curls, but it's RED!!

Since the first time I took her out, we got compliments. "Oh my look at that beautiful hair", and "Wow, she sure looks like her Momma". I know she will get to the point where she's so sick of it, like I was. But i know she will come to appeciate her unique hair color. I see alot of redheads now. I don't know if I'm just noticing them more, or if they've been there all along. There's a rumor, or urban legend that red heads are becoming extinct. I don't know if that's true or not. I'm just happy, like my mother before me, that I could do my part to further our existance.

Just a quickie

I just finished watching Julie and Julia. Isn't it funny how some blogs get so popular, and some never get read. I don't really care if anyone reads this or not. I just like to write. It's one place where it IS all about me. And if anyone wants to read it that's just fine. I've browsed through other bloggs, read a few, never posted a comment though. I should find a blog that no one has ever cdommented on. Maybe tomorrow. It's late and I'm tired.

Night time routine

Rick and I lay on the couch, he's usually watching some Discovery chanel show about nature. I'm eaither reading or knitting (my new hobby), sometimes I watch too. At about 10PM

Rick: You ready?
Me: yeah 1 Minute (finish chapter, or row)

Rick then goes to the counter to check his phone to see if he has any new emails before shutting it off. I head upstairs to brush my teeth. Rick comes in the bathroom, starts to floss (he does this every night now...bad teeth). He finishes and starts brushing, I take my meds, pee, and get into bed. Where I lay and wait. While I wait I think, "should we have sex tonight? It's been a while." Infact it's been a LONG while. too long. It's not that I don't like it. I do. But the working up to it part, it's easier to just go to sleep. How do I start? It's awkward to begin, I wait. Rick comes in and gets into bed. We exchange some small talk about the kids. It gets quiet, it's now or never. I wait. He starts to snore. Oh well, maybe tomorrow night

Repeat Sequence...

Forgot again

See? I said I forget things like this all the time. I really need to start meds. Seriously. I want to start ADD medication. I'm so forgetful and abscent minded. No focus, yada yada yada. Mybe I'm just not a blogger. So let's see since the last time I wrote. Quinn is now 2.5 walking talking and starting school in the fall. She's a brat of course, but she's so cute and sweet most of the time. Still has her red hair :) Tristan and Tucker haven't changed much. Tucker is better with his balance issues, but he's still loveable and stubborn as hell. And Tristan is a ball of energy...most of the time. He's sick right now. Throwing up all night. I hate when he's sick, he's no not himself.

I got another job. last november I started working at another hospital. I like it. But I still don't feel like I fit in as well as I did at the first one. Actually, maybe I didn't fit in as well as I thought. I don't work alot. Since I'm per diem, I get cancelled alot of the time. It's OK with me, but Rick hates it. He's always so worried about money, and doesn't really understand how I feel about maternity vs. med surge. He thinks nursing is nursing, and doesn't realize how miserable I'd be if I went back to med surge...i'd rather not work. It's hard to tell him stuff like that, because he thinks I'm being selfish. Maybe I am. But I've gone through alot to get this position, and I don't want to lose it. Hopefully if I'm there long enough I'll be able to get a more perminant postion. The people are really nice, and I'm starting to conect more with some of them. I finally requested them on facebook.

My whole positive outlook on life didn't last long. Not that I think negatively, mostly I just don't think. I'm bored most of the time. I've lost touch with who I am. It's a weird feeling. I don't feel depressed. But I have all the symptoms. Weight gain, loss of interest, guilt, low self esteem. It's effecting everything. My house my body my relationship. I'm sure Rick thinks I hate him...I don't. I just have no interest in anything. Sure I still get really hyperfocused on things, but it's usually in short spurts. Burning strong and fizzling up. I have half finished projects all over the half clean house. It's so frusterating, but I don't really have the willpower to do anything about it. I meal look, I've been sitting typing this for an hour, we're all in our PJs still, and the sink is full of dishes. not to mention my room. It's so disgusting. Really really disgusting. I don't even know where to begin up there. I just shut the door and forget about it. I want to just throw everything away and start fresh.

Now I'm feeling bad, I should get up and start cleaning. K, here goes.